10 Ways of Being I’ve Learned in the Helping Field
By Keri Sawyer
In the helping professions, we often focus on what we can do to support others—but just as important is how we choose to be. Over time, I’ve realized that our way of being—our presence, alignment, and self-awareness—impacts others far more than we might imagine.
These are 10 ways of being I’ve learned, practiced, and come to trust as cornerstones in my work and life.
1. Your Practice Matters
Are you using the tools you suggest to others? Whether it’s breathwork, journaling, boundaries, or somatic regulation—are they alive in your daily life?
We can’t authentically offer what we haven’t integrated. It’s tempting to teach new material right after a workshop, but wisdom takes root through repetition, reflection, and embodiment. If we want to share something powerful, we must first let it shape us.
We can’t give what we haven’t practiced. It’s one thing to talk about grounding; it’s another to know what helps you ground in real-time, under stress, and to teach from that place of knowing.
2. Self-Study is the Foundation
Introspective teaching starts with us.
Are you aligned with your own values? Or are you unknowingly teaching from inherited beliefs? It’s easy to pass along what we were taught without checking if it still fits who we are now. Self-study helps us stay honest about where we are, where we’re headed, and whether our work is truly serving the people we aim to help.
Are you working from your authentic center, or from values passed down from a mentor, teacher, or family system? Do you feel uncomfortable with how you’re showing up or what you’re teaching? If so, don’t ignore it. Lean in. Self-alignment is a living practice—and when you align with your truth, you begin to teach and support from a place of grounded clarity.
3. Teach from Your Truth
Teaching from someone else’s truth may feel safe—but it’s not sustainable.
Do you know your truth? Are you living it? Are you speaking from it, or quoting a mentor whose voice is louder than your own? Authenticity invites trust. When your words rise from lived experience, people feel it. And they listen differently.
If your guidance doesn’t land, pause and ask: Is this really mine? If it’s not something you’ve embodied, integrated, and tested in your own life—it may still belong to a past teacher. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong, but it does mean it may not be yours to teach yet. Let your truth evolve. Share from the realness of your journey—not perfection, but process.
4. Use Your Voice
If the world stopped to listen for one minute, what would you say?
Your voice is a tool of service. What is your message? What makes your heart beat faster? Get clear on what matters to you, then share it in grounded, courageous, and helpful ways. You don’t need to be loud—but you do need to be real.
Your voice is sacred, and your story holds power. Ask yourself: What do I care so deeply about that I’d want to scream it from the rooftops? Find the grounded version of that message, and speak it in a way that helps others. Your voice may be exactly what someone else needs to hear to come home to themselves.
5. Self-Care is Non-Negotiable
You are not a machine. You are a vessel.
The way you care for yourself directly impacts the care you offer others. Rest, nourishment, boundaries, and play are not indulgences—they are professional necessities. When your cup is full, your presence becomes a healing force.
You matter. Your nervous system, your body, your energy—all of it influences your work. You can’t support others from depletion. Tending to your own well-being is not selfish—it’s the foundation of sustainable, effective, and ethical helping. You can’t pour from an empty vessel, and you don’t need to try.
6. Learn Your Presence
Presence isn’t just being in the room—it’s being fully here.
That means tuning in to your body, your surroundings, and the person in front of you—without drifting into the past or jumping ahead to what’s next.
Start by checking in with yourself. Are you grounded? Holding tension? Breathing? Your body often reveals your state before your mind does. Notice the subtle shifts—tightness in the jaw, shallow breath, restlessness. These are signs, not flaws. They help you recalibrate.
Then, expand your awareness outward. Feel your feet. Listen to the sounds in the room. Soften your gaze. When you’re truly present, you’re able to listen actively, notice subtle cues, and respond with attunement instead of habit.
Stop planning your reply or worrying about outcomes—and instead, witness and connect.
This kind of presence is the root of strong relationships. It builds trust, fosters mutual understanding, and makes others feel deeply seen and heard. In a world full of distractions, your full presence is a rare and powerful gift—and it starts with you being here now.
7. Live Harm Reduction as a Practice
We often think about harm in big, obvious ways. But harm can be subtle—tone, impatience, projection, avoidance.
Do your actions ripple wellness or tension into your relationships? Are you self-regulated enough to respond instead of react? Harm reduction isn’t just a philosophy. It’s a daily, embodied practice. It starts with awareness—and leads to action.
Ask: How might my presence impact someone who’s vulnerable today? Am I rushing, rescuing, or controlling? Or am I spacious, responsive, and grounded?
To reduce harm, we must also acknowledge our scope. Are we staying within it? Are we doing our own healing so we’re not unconsciously seeking to heal others as a proxy for ourselves? Moving from thought into action in non-harming takes time—but it’s the heart of ethical helping.
8. Relationships Are Sacred
People want to feel seen, heard, and understood.
Are you making space for that? Inclusivity, accessibility, and genuine compassion matter. How are you showing that others matter—through your words, your energy, your posture, your availability?
Connection is a healing intervention in itself.
Being relational means slowing down. Making eye contact. Letting someone know they are not alone. It means asking: How am I energetically, verbally, and physically communicating that this person matters? Because the truth is: they do. And how we show that—consistently—is what builds healing relationships over time.
9. Release Attachment to Outcomes
Helping can easily become rescuing.
We want to make things better. We want people to succeed. But crossing the line from witnessing to controlling another’s journey—even with good intentions—can be deeply harmful.
Ask yourself: What part of me needs to manage this outcome? Am I uncomfortable with uncertainty? Am I trying to protect them from discomfort—or myself?
It takes courage to stay with someone on their path without trying to shape it. But when we trust their inner wisdom, even when it’s messy, we honor their autonomy. And we free ourselves from the pressure to fix, save, or carry what was never ours to hold.
10. Focus is a Form of Integrity
You can’t be everything to everyone.
So where is your energy going? Are you scattered, or focused? Let your efforts follow your calling—knowing that your focus may change as you grow. Letting go of distractions isn’t selfish—it’s how we make space for meaningful work.
What are you drawn toward right now? What distractions are pulling you away? Focus doesn’t mean rigidity—it means alignment. As you change, your purpose may evolve. But your capacity to discern what matters—and honor that—will always serve you and those you help.
Reflection
These aren’t commandments—they’re invitations. Invitations to slow down, look inward, and remember that who you are is just as powerful as what you know.
Let these ways of being guide your process. Revisit them when you feel off track. Come back to them when you need grounding. And trust that your presence, your intention, and your alignment are some of the most impactful tools you have.
Stepping into Wellness 