If you’re looking for peace and happiness, you’re not alone. Many of us seek “feel good” emotions that bring a sense of serenity and okayness into our lives. However the actions that bring about the “feel Good” feelings can actually bring less peace and more negativity in the long run. Many of us unconsciously choose to live in a certain way, with certain behaviors so that we can find goodness or happiness in our lives. Many times these actions are given the label of coping.

Taking a hot bubble bath, going for a run, eating ice cream Sundays, sleeping, watching show after show – season after season, scrolling through social media mindlessly multiple times a day, compulsively purchasing through Amazon etc etc …….these can be all coping mechanisms “to get through” feelings that we don’t want to feel. By the way, there is nothing wrong with being healthy! Eating nutritious food, exercise, and rest are all important for our mental, emotional and physical selves. The key is – why we are doing what we are doing? Are we trying to leave a feeling behind? There is always the argument that some coping methods are better than others, but the real deal is that trying to escape the dark cloud or lump in our throat just doesn’t work. The lump and cloud stay within us because we have business to attend to. The unfinished business of actually feeling.

To feel is to be alive. It might take some awareness to really allow ourselves to stop and pause for a moment so that we can feel. Just taking a moment to acknowledge a feeling can help us stop the protection mechanism of escape and move us toward befriending our emotions, whatever they are. Befriending our pain, sadness, anger etc can change our lives in a dramatic way. It can change what we do, how we think, and bring in a much needed sense of peace.

There is a deep sense of peace found within our souls. It’s not a surface fleeting feeling that we need to strive for. Through feeling what is real within ourselves, that deep peace can start to emerge within us. It’s there. Underneath all of the ice cream sundays and bubble baths. We just need to stop digging for serenity and actually feel. Once we stop digging, and face whatever it is that we are feeling – a sense of wholeness and serenity can make its way into our lives.

Facing what we are actually feeling takes courage. It isn’t easy to surrender to what is. Life isn’t always fun or always happy. Finding acceptance around that allows us to connect deeper to ourselves. A connection that isn’t constantly trying to drown out the “noise” of what we are really feeling and instead is a source of acceptance and calm.

Don’t get me wrong, I love bubble baths and will still take some. In all honesty, I could probably use a little less of the icecream Sundays….. But that’s not the point here – It’s the why. Why am I doing what I’m doing, that’s what matters.

The next time feelings arise, you’re invited to stop, pause and feel within yourself. Aknowedge it’s existence. Maybe you write about it or share it with a trusted friend. Perhaps it leaves for a while and then comes back. Feel it again. It’s the only way to really move on – to be able to really truly let it go. It might take awhile or a long while, we may need some time and space. That’s the nature of the deep peace and inner sense of serenity that comes with feeling. At some point, even when it feels like it will never change, the sadness or the anger that is present can have an underling sense of peace.

No matter who you are or how you decided to live, the last several years have been harder, somewhat darker ones. My household needed to be careful of illness with my youngest waiting for and then finally having open heart surgery. I had the unwanted experience of understanding what it means to think about and care for your community members deep in my bones. I have to say the stress of the surgery and the loss of being regularly physically close to those outside my immediate family was extra hard. While I had some good days along with many lessons and spiritual growth….. I’ve also had many angry days, sad days, irritations that would build for what felt like no reason, days where I couldn’t stand what others had to say and just didn’t want to hear it. Quite frankly my tolerance was at an all time low and I felt like I was just trying to survive what was happening. I’m glad those days have past, yet the world around me seems to have that same irritation- that one you just can’t reach along with a much less than usual tolarance level when it comes to others.

Many of us had some emotional pain during those times. It’s not easy to live in a world where sickness and death is being talked about regularly or is close to you and the people you love the most. Those experiences don’t just disappear because the world has started to move on. It is so very easy to bring all that hardness with us as we move into our now more “regular” lives.

When I look around, I find that want is really important for people is that they feel loved and know that they matter. Who we are matters, what we think matters, and what we have to say matters. What we don’t know about others lives and what we naturally assume at first glance matters too. It is so very important for people to really be seen and heard. Some years ago I was engaged in an extensive yoga studies program that showed me a moment that I could be compassionate for another in struggle. At the time, in a room full of women, a man made what came off as a harsher comment around something the female instructor said. What I understood is that the comment came from his own experience and pain. However, after the comment he was regularly shut down when trying to speak and unable to say anything. During a small group setting when he was being shut down again, I let the group know that I would like to hear what he had to say and after thanked him for his voice. Relief filled him and you could see that he really just needed to be heard, he mattered. After that segment of training was over he told me how much he appreciated being in the training with me. This little story is an example of spreading warmth and compassion to someone else who is struggling. We all have our own experiences, not the same experiences. We all have our own realities, not the same realities.

While I believe there are some evil people out there, most of the people around me have good well meaning hearts and genuinely care about others. We all do things that we wish we wouldn’t during times of struggle. We all have times where it is harder to live by what is important to us. We don’t really know what someone else’s lived experience is.

Small things can really build up! That’s been my experience anyway. The rudeness from the cashier, the driver is in a hurry, the person who parked and inch off of the front of my car. These small irritations can build and build inside of us. Yesterday, I walked out from picking up food and the person infront of me was practically on my bumper. I started to feel mad until I was able to laugh at my myself for being so angry over something that definately wasn’t big. I can choose how I respond in this world to what is happening around me. I can choose to be apart of the intolerant negativity or not. I also have to remember that not everyone is like me and everyone has their own life happening that I know nothing about. I can try to make this world a better place to live for those walking amoung me by finding compassion and warmth in my heart for them and their struggle. Many of us already hurt, none of us need more pain or negativity as we navigate this journey of life.

So I ask you, How can you bring warmth and compassion in this new world of ours?

Side Note: Mental health matters, it is ok to seek help when you are struggling. Let’s normalize mental health care!

Change is inevitable and is part of life as time moves forward. However, what might happen if we make changes on purpose and with purpose? How do you intend to live today? Who do you intend to be or not be?

Intention is an important part of change. Defining where you want to go or where you want to be and then intentionally moving in that direction – maybe it’s with your thoughts, your actions or both.

Forging our own path and starting to live intentionally also includes a true self honesty where we can take a look at our present reality and ask ourselves what we are happy with… what do we want to keep, what would we like to change? Perhaps even allowing for some space of not being exactly sure who we want to be or where we want to go.

There is also the question of who will I become if I make changes and start to live with intention? What will I lose? Change can be hard and might feel risky or scary. There can be a real sense of safety in staying the same. Uncounsiously not growing or moving forward in life to stay safe. The thing is, safety comes from within instead of what is happening on the outside of us. Personal safety comes from the relationship that we have with ourselves – mind, body and soul. The relationship that we have with ourselves can and will change. Caring for or loving yourself might sound like a hippy yoga thing, however, learning how to or continuing to care for and love ourselves right here and right now is an important aspect of forging our own paths no matter who you are.

Change can sometimes feel like you are taking two steps forward and one step back. Falling into old habits comes more easily than moving in a new direction and can embed in our lives and bodies so that when we are not present or aware we resume to those old ways of being. It’s like living on auto pilot. Living with intention includes discipline and a present moment awareness.

So what does this have to do with yoga? Embodiment bring us into the present moment and into a place of awareness – of what is happening inside of us and outside of us. It allows us create a relationship with our whole being and bring in the experience of feeling safe and predictable within ourselves. We can learn to make choices based on our present moment experience and can find resilience and flexibility mind body and spirit. Many times the intentions we set practicing yoga on the mat, move off of the mat with us into our daily lives. For instance we might start to feel more balanced emotionally and see choices in our lives that we’ve never noticed before. Or possibly we start to pause and move into action instead of reacticing to a situation. Or perhaps we find ourselevs noticing what we need and take the necessary steps for self care.

Personally, many changes are moving toward me right now and I get to have a choice in how I want to live. There is something so empowering about creating your own intended path instead of just letting life lead you. Here is something I know for sure…. It is important to create your own path in this life, to gain personal empowerment while following your purpose, and to forge forward into new adventures.

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How can we function with in the world and walk in a good way when we are not connected or friendly to ourselves? How can we have integrity, kindness, and open heartedness when we are unable to practice these principles with ourselves? Connecting with ourselves mind, body and spirit is a crutial step in the recovery process. In fact when we are not connected with our bodies we can struggle to really grasp how we are feeling, what we might need to do next, and how to live with integrity.

Embodiment is an important part of recovery. Yet, many times we can go to great lengths to leave ourselves behind. We might zone out during workouts to get through it, push through physical pain like it isn’t there, or maybe we are completely dehabilitated and find ourselves sleeping the time away. Perhaps we are engrossed in book after book, podcast after podcast, or scrolling social media just to unconsciously get away from ourselves and our lives. Many of us have lived a seporate life from our body in order to not feel – emotionally or physically – and to survive our pasts, our realities and our lives.

Taking time and space in recovery to move into embodied wholeness instead of living with a fragment of who we are is a process. We might first experience noticing that we have a body and start to feel sensations within our body. Next through experiencing a felt sense of our body, we might start to tolerate feeling and connecting to our body. Lastly, we might start to befriend ourselves and bodies through a regular connection or practice. Having real emodied experiences matters.

You might practice embodiment through trauma sensitive Yoga or weight lifting class. Maybe you find your self drawn to Thai Chi or another movement practice that involves noticing and feeling your body along with building a secure and safe connection to it. Sometimes sitting in meditation without movement can be hard as our minds have more space to run and intrusive thought have more time to move in. Sitting meditation is a wonderful practice, however it’s very important to find what works for you. Remember what works for you now might change over time or maybe you need to find something else that works at a later time and that is ok. Change is good.

You can read about the 5 benefits of embodiment in my next blog!

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Yoga Focused Recovery is online. There are hatha yoga classes designed for those suffering from addiction or alcoholism. These trauma informed sessions will start in April, here is more info if you think that process might work for you.

https://openviewyoga.com/class-offerings

Many who have suffered from trauma, addiction and/or alcoholism have seen tramatic or very stressful events in their lives. Our bodies are absolutely amazing and part of our body/brain unconsciously works for survival. You may have heard of flight, flight, submit, freeze, and fawn where the Limbic system takes over to protect from danger. These are life-saving autonomic processes that can continue after the danger has passed. An example could be a veteran whose body would quickly respond to loud noise as a life-saving process. However, after the war, that same vet wouldn’t be able to go out or walk down the street without fear of excessive anger or feeling like they need to fight for life with sudden loud noises. Another could be a child who does everything they can not to make their alcoholic parent angry however when they become adults the trauma response kicks in when they hear their partner walking in the door and rush to “fawn” over them in order to survive even though the situation has changed. These automatic (non-cognitive) trauma responses can cause shame and feelings of worthlessness. The rub here is that even after the danger has passed, these responses can still be deeply embedded within our bodies, minds, and spirits.

How do embodiment practices help?

Many times in order to block out sights, sounds, touch, smell, etc that are all implicit reminders of terrible events our bodies “shut down” or weaken interoceptive pathways from our bodies to our brains as a means of protection. The less that is felt or the more that is felt (overwhelming information) the fewer trauma responses your body, mind, and spirit reacts to. Many live separate from the body in order to tolerate life. Feeling and living within one’s self is being fully alive. Embodiment is vital for healing and for long-term healthy living.

Here are 5 ways embodiment can help heal survivors of trauma or addictions:

1. Finding safety within one’s self. You might think this seems easy, but it is one of the most overlooked parts of people recovering and finding healing for themselves. A basic sense of safety within one’s self is needed in this world to function and live a happy decent lives. Feeling safe when stress comes up matters. Feeling safe going to the grocery store matters. Feeling safe at night to gain needed rest for your body and soul matters. Your body and brain know that sensory input from your regular environment is safe matters. We don’t find real safety outside of ourselves. Real safety is found within.
2. Strengthening Interoceptive Pathways to Change Behavior. We have interoceptive (Felt Sense) pathways from our body to our brain that have been encoded by past experiences. These pathways tell the brain when there is danger. A simple smell or touch that reminds the body and then the brain about a past event can set off alarm bells and a trauma response can ensue automatically. These pathways can be changed through the practice of safe predictable embodiment by building more robust interoceptive pathways that hence directly or indirectly change behavior through healing pathways that were encoded with danger.
3. Feeling and Connecting with Emotions. The number one issue most therapists talk about is clients not being able to connect with and identify feelings. How do you know when you’re sad? You might know from feeling a lump in your throat when you’re holding back tears or maybe you feel a heaviness in your chest for instance …. not everyone feels sadness the same. Many can struggle to feel their body or to notice that lump in their throat which makes it impossible to connect with or label an emotion. Embodiment practices strengthen the ability to feel – to feel your heart beating, your breath…..the lump in the throat when sad.
4. Feeling true Kindness toward one’s self. Many people who have been through trauma or addiction can struggle to just tolerate themselves. Through a non-prescriptive approach to embodiment and allowing clients to have their own real experiences (without giving them one we think they should have) they can start to approach the concept of friendliness toward oneself. Friendliness opens the door to curiosity and exploration of the whole person.
5. Your Body as a Resource. Many times when people talk about healing, they might start talking about relaxing or calming. This can feel scary to someone who is hyper-vigilant and on the lookout for danger. Many of our balancing the nervous system is different than down-regulating or calming. It is possible for self-regulation to occur through embodiment however let’s note that self-regulation can be a part of the healing process but it is not the whole healing process. What is really important is to be able to find what works to feel safe, grounded, and empowered in that moment, right now. Remember what works today might not work tomorrow and what works for you may not work for someone else.

Healing through embodiment is a personal hopefully noncoercive process that when met with a non-prescriptive approach and empowerment can change lives.

Stay tuned as I dig deeper into each of the 5 ways embodiment can help heal trauma!

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Feeling discombobulated? Off kilter? Out of balance?
I have felt exactly that way at different times in my life. In fact, it showed one day during a yoga training. The teachers at the time commented that maybe they needed a”discombobulation” room to put people in until they were more grounded. Well, that didn’t feel good and note to self – could have been said in a more compassionate way. Never the less, it was another reminder of what it feels like to have my energy moving in every which direction. To feel rushed and breathless as my mind runs a hundred miles an hour moving from one thought to the next.

Finding our center creates a strong connection and balance between body, mind and spirit that enables us to withstand or embrace the energy that surrounds us. Grounding creates a resilience that connects deep within the soul. We gain an acute awareness of what is happening around us and are able to act with thought and integrity.

When we are centered, we are our most authentic selves. Authenticity allows us to be who we truly are from the core of our being. With regular practice, we can show up to life with a sense of stability and peace with that spreads outwards and vibrates in the world around us.

Centering ourselves can be a simple regular practice and it may not look the same for us all and it also may not look the same depending on what is happening in our lives. Perhaps you start by noticing your feet in your shoes as you are waiting line somewhere or maybe you notice each time your feet touch the ground as your walking. Possibly you’ve started a mindful movement practice or a meditation practice of some kind. Maybe you’ve started a quiet gardening practice and you can feel the earth as your planting. Perhaps you sit in nature creating art work or start journaling regularly in a safe quite space. Centering is the practice of calming the mind and connecting with the earth or universe around you.

🙏🏻 openviewyoga.com, Yoga Focused Recovery, 4 series session starting April 2023 : https://openviewyoga.com/apps/webstore/products/show/8264531?siteId=134605852&locale=en-GB

#resilience #recovery